I guess it makes sense to post about you here, since I only got a blog for You.
It's safe to say, part of all this - or maybe the reason - is Jealousy.
I'm surprised you got over me so quickly.
Maybe you only loved me on the rebound from that Kid.
But Sexy, I love you Alot.
I'm being immature by not letting you go, though Obviously you love Her and want to be with her. But I guess I can't forget you, the way I sometimes wish I could.

I remember how it feels like, to have your lips against mine.
I remember how it feels like, to wake up in the morning and the first thing I feel is your breath on my shoulder.
I remember how it feels like, to hug you for more than a minute in the middle of Winter.
I remember how it feels like, to know exactly when you're thinking about me.
I remember how it feels like, to see your face come alive when I first see you in school.
I remember how it feels like, to cradle you when you cry and push the hair off your face so it doesn't stick with the tears.
I remember how it feels like, when you give me the most innocent stare, but I know your thoughts are more than slightly less innocent.
I even remember how it feels like, to be angry at you, and hate you because of the way I'm in love with you, no matter what.
&& I definitely remember how it feels like, when you call me up at unexpected times when I need you most, like some perfect clockwork.

I can't pretend that I'm not jealous, because I Am. Why does she seem to make you so much more excited, and happier, and crazier, and just more in love than Me? Was I really that bad, that you don't even remember what I did for you? Do you still have any of the notes I gave you?

I have All of yours, and two years later, I still read them. Some of them still make me cry, when I think of what we had.

You did love me, I know you did. What about now? I know I'm a failure, a loser, an idiot and a whore, but I thought you'd accept me for that. && Now, my place has been taken, so fast. How can it be?

I'm not saying you guys shouldn't be together. I support everything you do, and you know it. && She's a really nice girl. She knows how to treat you right, she knows how to be your Ideal. She does deserve you. A sweet, talented, beautiful girl like you deserves someone who recognizes it.

Let's face what we all already know : a girl like You could Easily find someone. I mean, you're one hell of a human. So naturally, I wasn't shocked when you said you were With someone, because, I thought, yeah, I bet it's true.

Then I got to thinking, does she even care about me?
I think I'll just ask you now.

Would you care if I said I love you? Would you care if I said, I don't want to die because I don't know if you ever loved me? Would you care if I said I wish I could just get to wherever you are, and run away with you forever? Would you care if I said, I'll gladly wait for you, even when I'm old and greying? Would you care if I said, I want to be your everything at once : your lover, your friend, your sister, your mother, your god (though you're an atheist), your advisor, your saviour, your punching bag, in short, everything you need? Would you care if I said, I hate holding hands with anyone else, because it doesn't fit right? Would you care if I said, I even love the way you breathe, the way your eyes squint, the way you write, the hilarious things you say at the most inappropriate times?

I'm never so sentimental, but look at what you've done to me.

I'm not blackmailing you, I genuinely want to be yours, even as a friend, if that's the best I can be.

But if this is the last thing I ever say to you, I want to say this.

Thank You for being my friend, for sharing the most important seconds of my life with me, for being willing to let me cry to you even at 3 am in the morning, for givin me some of the best memories I will ever get, and for showing me that it's okay to trust people.

&& If ever things don't work out with her, or you decide you want out, or things die, I will always be here. Always. && That's the only promise I can make you that will hopefully mean something.

I should end this with your favorite quote.

"... and this is the only immortality you and I may share, my Lolita."

Beautiful.
Darling.
Exotic Babe.
Dumb Blackette.
Asian Kid.
Hooker.
Girl Fight Partner.
Mrs Whoever.

I Love You.

remember this one?

Will I be there when you call me
In the middle of the night
Will I keep the rain from falling down into
Your life?
I promise
I promise
I promise I will.